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This is my collection of funny little statements found in ebay ads. The spelling and grammar has not been changed. -- Enjoy!

Minibike, pocket bike, kid's motorbike, waste of money!

I have a reputation for not putting enough effort into describing items I sell on ebay, so this time I'm going to be very clear in describing the item.

The pictures above appear to be of some type of small child's motorbike, possibly a minibike, yes, that's what it looks like. However, this is one of those very rare Chinese made miniature motorcycles of which only about 56,785,920 were distributed world wide last year. The total lack of spare parts for these things has now convinced me that each child born in China was tasked with producing one of these; from a roll of aluminium foil and an empty ice cream container. That explains why each one is different. Not just different colours, but every single one is unique in its dimensions and spirit. Some have even been made inside-out.

Some of them have wheels which are almost round, mine doesn't. The frame appears to be made of bamboo, painted silver to make it look stronger. When they gave the Chinese made boats the name Junk, I can now see why. Surely, one of the five year old kids tasked with building these things could weld. Every weld on the frame of this thing looks like a passing sparrow has splattered semi metallic poo on it, badly. Every bolt is a different size and the fact that it doesn't change shape if left in the sunlight has amazed me.

I rode it once, that was enough. It was about as comfortable as pouring a cup full of leaf-cutting ants down my undies. Even though I'm so short that my feet are actually above my head, somehow riding this thing saw me wearing my ankles as earrings and trying to steer at the same time. Making things even worse was that it was like riding a chainsaw with wheels. The motor can rev like a cat with a clothes peg on its tail, making this little bike go faster than standing still - which is already a stretch of its safety envelope.

Before I took it for its one and only ride, I had to fill it up with fuel. I couldn't understand how such a small machine could need such a large fuel tank, but then fifteen minutes after I'd put the fire out, I worked out why. The fuel leak from the carby was that severe that by the time I'd travelled 12 metres with my feet behind my head, the grass behind me was on fire. The leaking fuel had some how caught alight and although I was hoping it was a trail of burning rubber from its tyre shredding power, it was merely a small fire, not unlike a burning pipeline in Iraq. Fortunately, the fuel leak was so bad that by the time the fire caught up to the bike, there was nothing left to burn.

The bodywork on the bike isn't even attached. I don't know how it ever could be. There must have been a fight at the child labour factory when this thing was made, obviously the stronger five year old stole the bits that allowed this bike's bodywork to be attached to its silver bamboo frame. So it just sits there making this thing even more ridiculous. You would expect that motorcycle bodywork would be made of plastic, true. But given the fact that this stuff a) didn't burn and b) is as flexible as a Viagra induced erection, tells me that it is something from another planet, possibly China. I suspect that it may be some super organic, self regenerating rice paper or something.

Starting this bike is about as easy as getting a table of six for Yum Cha at 12pm. Despite the fuel gushing from the poor excuse for a carby, this thing has a pull start which has a cord about as long as a primary school play lunch. With the amount of fuel flooding from the carby, it requires full throttle to start. The first time I got it going it rode off with only the ghost of Chopstick Creek at the controls. I later learned that the best way to start it was by holding it under your arm and acting out an ACDC guitar riff before putting it back down, placing your ankles behind your ears and hoping that the thing stayed upright long enough for someone to get a photo.

On the bright side, this thing would make a fantastic garden ornament, because it has a miraculous ability to convert itself to important soil nutrients, like iron oxide, very quickly. You will notice that one of the front fork stanchions is all rusty. I didn't do that in photoshop, it really is rooted. You will also notice that the steering is out of alignment, but what do you expect from child labour?

When the Trike of Death saw this little bike, it turned around in a very large circle and looked the other way. You have to feel sorry for this little machine, it's like a puppy in a pound. Surely someone out there must have a good home for it? Lets face it, you can now buy something that has trodden the same ground as the legendary Trike of Death for less than the cost of a Trike of Death T shirt. You may even be able to convert this little thing into a candle, a hearing aid, a belt buckle or something else useful.

This monstrosity needs to go. Even if you buy it just for something to kick your toe on it would be worth it. You could paint it black and leave it on some stairs one night. You could create an artificial reef out of it, for one small and selfish fish. Whatever you do with it is your own business, just don't tell anyone where it came from.

In response to some anticipated questions, here are the answers:

No, I don't have a buy it now price, but if you can convince ebay to refund my listing fee, you can have it.

No, it doesn't have a seat, the manufacturer didn't design it to last long enough for your arse to make it to the where the seat would normally be.

No, it ran out of warranty on the third day, which was when it was somewhere in the middle of the Sea of China, on its way to infest the world with a good dose of unquality control.

Yes, I will deliver it to Anaheim California, it will only cost a return airfare ex Sydney and a Disneyland pass.

No, the brakes don't work. It wasn't designed to make it that far.

Yes, it is crap. True, it does look good. So too do most celebrities until you see them in the flesh.

No, it wouldn't be a nice gift for a six year old, or any other number between 1 and 1000.

No, there isn't any spare parts available for it. They were designed around the same concept as disposable razors and toilet paper, not much good after the first use.

Yes, you are welcome to take it for a test ride – after you buy it and then sell it to someone else who advertises it for sale and offers you a ride of it.

Q: Is the starting price a typo ? I'll offer you 67c for it and you pay the postage. 04-Nov-09
A: The starting price was $6.99, which was my payment for writing the silly ad. Serious ads cost $12.80 so you should be thankful.

Q: Is the lead paint job in good shape? Are the plastic parts the same material they use in the dog food they export to the U.S.A.? How far are you from N.J. Thanks, Nicky Newark. 04-Nov-09
A: The bike is painted in blue asbestos, cheaper than lead. The plastic in the dog food is far more nutritional than this rubbish. I'm a long way from NJ, but if the sale falls through, I'll take in on a world tour.

Q: Serious suggestion Hollywood. Withdraw from sale and relist in eBay Nigeria. When the scammers win, send them the bike with a hefty postal charge. Should cure them of ever scamming again. Thanks for the laugh. I'll be surprised if this doesn't go viral Regards Chris 04-Nov-09
A: Thanks Chris. I just received an email from Nigeria where they have recommended that I invest in shares in this thing. Far out, I own it, how much more investment do I need.

Q: I was thinking this would be a good gift for my Ex-wife. However I am concerned about the gas mileage that her F@tA$$ would be getting. Could you tell how this will perform on fried rice? Also is a fart regenerator available for better mileage, or would a CHIP modification be a better way to go? Also could you tell me if the rear wheel is out of round or just the front? She may be able to offset the wobble..... Thanks 04-Nov-09
A: The fuel economy will be improved once her r's catches on fire and the fat starts to drip into the carby. It may just blow a little more smoke. The only modification this thing really needs is to be put on a train track as a speed hump for a coal train. the wheels are so out of round that one is a triangle and the other is just a straight line.

Q: I am 73 and have a busted leg- does this qualify as a mobility device under Medicare? You must be the reincarnation of Mark Twain. I laughed until tears ran down my face. Thank you for making my day so enjoyable! 04-Nov-09
A: Enjoyable day - with a busted leg. You wait 'til I list my boat for sale, that will make you happy and it may just be what you need for your rehab. Good luck with straightening out coat hangers to scratch those itches. Cheers.

Q: I'm just trying to get a size perspective. In your second photo, is that a single Chop Stick that the bike is resting on, or a tooth pick?... Thanks. 04-Nov-09
A: I'ts a chopstick, didn't you see the soy sauce stain on it? The bike was in aingapore nooodle dish that I ate about three hundred years ago.

Q: Hi Hollywood Last week I was out in the sand dunes at Reef beach near Bremar Bay WA without warning I flew over the handle bars of my brand new KLX 450r it then launched from behind me and used my body to break its fall (it to may be possesed by the devil). My question to you is - Are you willing to swap this beast for my new bike as I feel a drop in power may be in order for me THANKS Yours in anticipation Railway :-) 04-Nov-09
A: For sure. I'll give you two of these just for the front wheel of your bike. You need to wear a string of garlic when you ride the KLK.

Q: excellent work ,would you consider swapping it for a tyre swan . some tibetan yak cheese, and a volvo hat. regards 03-Nov-09
A: A tyre swan, now I've never had one of those before. What does it do? I've had a few volvos, and a few hats to match. I don't like yak cheese but I'm very interested in the tyre swan.

Q: hey man iv come up with a good use for the rocket. a bong .fill the air cleaner with hippie weed light it and suck on the exhaust now iv got the hippies thinking about buying it hope you sell it steve 03-Nov-09
A: The last thing some hippie would want is a beard tangled up in a poor excuse for a chain and sprocket. It would be good to watch though.

Q: I have read your discription of this item with intrest and have come to the opinion that it is not a childs bike, but infact one of saddams missing weapons of mass distruction and the trail of fire it leaves behind when started up is from not the carby but a faulty thruster engine. i think you should contact border control and inform them. Did the friend who gave it you have a name that started with Bin?I look forward to your reply. 03-Nov-09
A: I contacted customs and asked why they would let something like this into the country. They told me that when they tapped it on the counter, no bugs fell out of it, just half a piston and some spring onions. I asked them to send me a fine just for owning it, but they wouldn't unless I tried to take it out of the country in boogie board cover. I think it did have something to do with Bin, maybe Shouldbeinbin Later.

Q: Hi, I wanted to know if I buy this bike, if you'd personally fill it with petrol and let me watch you burn rubber.. I might actually make my money back by putting it on youtube, which gets seen by Oprah, which gets me a book deal, which gets a movie made? Just a thought. Anyway, with the financial crisis and everything it's hard to part with the sort of serious cash you are asking for it but I'd be happy to swap it for a packet of clothes pegs and a shower-cap (which has hardly been used)... yes, also a half squeezed orange that I used the other day to add some zest into my toilet bowl.? Actually now that I think of it I could possibly up that by handing over my limited edition Samantha Fox poster I used to jerk off to in the early 80's? Please reply, this bike looks perfect for me.. thanks in advance. 03-Nov-09
A: Yes, I'll do as you have requested, but I need a cut of the earnings. I wish I kept my ABBA poster.

Q: Where do I meet you to exchange the donkey for the bike? 03-Nov-09
A: Before I commit, how old is the Donkey? You'll have to meet me at Karuah so that I can put the donkey to work on my collection of octopus beaks.

Q: Hi I'm thinking about joining the crusty demons and going on a world tour, is this the bike for me 03-Nov-09
A: No, it's too safe for what they get up to. You need the trike of death.

Q: My maiden aunt's dowry consists of a donkey, two live goats, 5 united states dollars, and a penguin. Is that a fair trade? 03-Nov-09
A: Yes, but can I take the dowry instead of the aunt. I need a donkey and you can never have too many goats or penguins. My last penguind died after I accidently fed it to an owl.

Q: I don't have two frozen chooks. Would you accept one frozen chook, a slab of Coopers and my maiden aunt's hand in marriage? 03-Nov-09
A: I already have six wives, five have already fallen victim to the Trike of Death. Shame.

Q: I don't have any money. Will you accept a frozen chicken? 03-Nov-09
A: If you came in with that offer when the bike started at $6.99 I would have jumped at the idea. Now it would cost you two frozen chooks and a case of Coopers sparkling ale.

Q: Hey Mate, I've got a yellow road bike type pocket bike, I think it might be made by the same kid... (handle bars and foot pegs are loose, and the back tyre doesnt inflate) would you be interested in doing a swap? Cheers 03-Nov-09
A: I think the loose handlebars and foot pegs are a built in speed limiting device. If you ride too fast you die, no more speed. I'll think about the swap though.

Q: great description hollywood. and a word of advice; i would go to your family doctor and have blood work done, as it is a well known fact that the chinese have been exporting devices with enough lead in them to kill a full grown rhinocerous. and since your "delicate areas" are what actually touches said device, i would be especially concerned... 03-Nov-09
A: I have had a blood test recently, but I put the high lead levels down to the fact that I used to sit on my back verandah with a mouth full of air rifle pellets, shooting pegs off the clothes line for six hours a day.

Q: I am thinking of placing this in many bike shows around Australia, do you think the write up would win or the bike?? 03-Nov-09
A: There's a good chance that the bike will win, maybe an encouragement award.

A: Brand? I think it was left up to the buyer to give these things a brand. The problem was that the factory manager couldn't translate the chinese phrase, "Oh no, look, this one is worse than the last one" So they left them unbranded.

Q: G'day there! just wondering if I don't bid on this and it doesn't sell would you re-list the item and rewrite the description a bit more honestly?? Cheers!! :p (awesome effort btw and could you post a pic of the glove on ya head too!) 03-Nov-09
A: I hope for the sake of the whole world that this thing does sell. It will put an end to these deceptive ads I've been writing. I'll see what I can do about the glove pic!

Q: Just thought I'd let you know that you've given me a huge laugh. I hope you sell your, I really do....just not to me. 03-Nov-09
A: I've got a guy that's really keen on it. I told him that if he wants it that badly, he'll have to bring along a doctor's certificate to prove that he has made a rational decision.

Q: G'day Mr. Bigshot, I've spoken to a mate of mine who runs the kiddie rides at a circus, he is contemplating adding this bike to the Merry Go Round for the boys and was wondering if it has a hole in the middle to accomodate the pole it will go up and down on? Also told him about 'The Trike of Death" and we is trying to figure out a way this could be made into a "Big Top" main feature 03-Nov-09
A: I think it does have a hole in the middle, it was where the quality was meant to go. I too thought about sending the Trike of Death to the circus and wondered if it would go into the sphere of death.

Q: Hi there. if i win the auction, are you able to dispose of the item for me?? 02-Nov-09
A: Yes, I'll do something interesting with it and post the results!

Q: I have never had so much fun on eBay. Do you write descriptions for money? I don't want the bike, I'm just here for the entertainment. You're a star! 02-Nov-09
A: I wish I did write for money. I'd love to re-write some of the descriptions I've seen. Maybe I'll publish my book next year and list it at the same time that I'm selling something else insane. Thanks.

Q: Has bidding reached the reserve yet ? 02-Nov-09
A: Reserve? I've never put a reserve on anything. I started it at $6.99 and was hoping to get $2 for it. It's on the market now!

Q: Hey Hollywood, You know.. seeing the bike majestically poised on the pole gave me an idea, we were looking for something a little different to perch on top of the Christmas Tree this year and seeing as though Angels are just sooooo yesterday, I was looking for something a little more "Today". Do you think it would be suitable as a tree ornament given that it is made of Silver Bamboo and guano, we could all sit around and bet on what will erupt in flames first, the Bike or the Tree lights!! Either way it would be win win, roasted chestnuts anyone? 02-Nov-09
A: Sometimes I hope nobody can see me laughing at an LCD screen, it must look strange, especially when I have a rubber glove on my head. You are right, Angels are even the day before. Putting this bike on top of your tree would be February 31. Don't tell the insurers.

Q: I had a Jeep Cherokee that I gave to my mother in law, however both times it caught fire she managed to escape....I mean get out of the vehicle. If this bike comes with a seat belt that doesnt open it may be suitable for my mother in law. No doubt the rocket scientists that work in Jeep Quality Control found a new job China at one of the large manufacturing plants. If it doesnt come with a seatbelt would you be willing to throw one in for free? 02-Nov-09
A: I had my Jeep Grand Cherokee, with even more things to go wrong that the standard jeep. I called it the one and only, because it was the one and only one that I'd ever owned. Unfortunately my over-insured dog box didn't catch on fire, I was clearly unlucky. As for your darling mother in law, the first thing to do is to buy her some velcro hook pants and then have the seat of the bike made out of the velcro loop fabric. If that doesn't keep her on, you could fill her bloomers with magnets, but no, the bike probably doesn't have enough iron in the bamboo and you would ruin her credit card's magnetic strips. Just go for the velcro.

Q: Your honesty is refreshing and appreciated, i say Hollywoodbigshot is our replacement for Obama 02-Nov-09
A: Hollywoodbigshot, president of the world. I like the sound of it. I'd certainly be making some changes, firstly be slowing down the earth's rotation by running the trike in one direction for an hour. That way we would all have more time to laugh at things. That was how Superman saved Lois Lane anyway.

Q: Mate - bugga the bike..... what's your BIN for the description! Priceless. Thankyou. 02-Nov-09
A: You can take the description for free and use it to sell something of yours, just remove the reference to the bike and replace it with whatever you need to sell. It's kind of universal when you think about it. Thanks mate.

Q: Hi, is this bike suitable to use it on a friday afternoon topic on motor-forum? 02-Nov-09
A: Yes, but the tyres will be worn out by Sunday.

Q: hey man!!! sounds like a wild machine. is there a nitrous oxide kit available for that model i want head to the moon. thanks for the laugh u funny dude steve 02-Nov-09
A: You can just strap a can of fly spray to the frame and spray it into the carby as you ride, it has the same effect.

Q: Hi it looks like just the thing i am after as long as i can fit a sidecar to it. what do you think? 02-Nov-09
A: With the frame so poorly put together, you have to sit beside it just to keep it in a straight line. That negates the need for a side car.

Q: Excuse me sir, but does it run on sweet & sour sauce? 02-Nov-09
A: Oh yes, and if you want it to go even faster, you can ad a little MSG.

Q: I laughed so hard i just wet my pants :) How much would postage be to the Peoples Republic of China? 02-Nov-09
A: For you, five dollar.

Q: Hi mate, You are a gem!!!!! You have actually got someone to pay $56 bucks for nothing.I should get you to sell all my shit!!!!!!! NICE STORY 01-Nov-09
A: I'm not feeling too bad now, because I found the seat for it. I'll hope it doesn't go above $4,300.

Q: I feel your description of the bike is misleading to potential buyers. Specifically the claim "True, it does look good". I don't need to see it in the flesh to know this is patently untrue. 01-Nov-09
A: You're right. I meant to say, "true, if you have no eyes and your optic nerves are being eaten by magpies and you squint, then it may look good to some". Sorry, and glad you picked that up.

Q: The old saying "The way to keep flies out of the kitchen, is to put a bucket of shit in the living room". Would this bike be a good substitute for the living room? Thanks, JAckal 01-Nov-09
A: Funny you should say that, my lawnmower and whipper snipper won't come out of the bedroom now that this thing is in the backyard.

Q: ??????! ????? ??? ?? ????????? ??? ???? ?????? ????????? ??? ????! ?????666?, ????. 01-Nov-09
A: Either my eyes are getting worse, or that is the words of an alien.

Q: FAIR GO MATE everybody is allowed to make one Mistake, just look at the HOLDEN CAMIRA,it even ended up winning the Wheels CAR OF THE YEAR...So ease up on the little fella,cos if you send the Chinese economy broke, where the hell are we going to buy our everyday stuff... TOWELS,SHEETS,SOCKS,DRESSES,JEANS,DISHES,RADIOS,TV'S,IPODS,STEREO'S,$2 SHOPS,ETC,ETC,ETC,ETC,ETC,ETC,ETC,ETC,ETC,ETC, Best of LUCK with the PENDING SALE...Cheers Tony. 01-Nov-09
A: I had a friend that actually won a new Camira in a Coke competition, it was on the inside of the lid. It was a great car, but after the warranty ran out she wanted to swap it back for the bottle of Coke.

Q: Herro, my ritter boy spent minutes of har rork to assembry these ronderfur machines. They arnt men to be started and riden, they are men to hang from your car keys COOKIE BOY!! Legards, Mr Wotwentwong. 31-Oct-09
A: And I thought a wind chime would be an option.

Q: Man this is just what I wanted and I would have paid top dollar for it but I have a slight problem. I have a severe flatulence problem and the thought of blowing my arse up scares me more than the add. Good luck with the sale 31-Oct-09
A: You should be scared. Maybe tight fitting rubber undies will make it a safe option for you?

Q: Would you take $4 for it and deliver free of charge to sunny england me ol china? 31-Oct-09
A: Is that $4 or 4 pounds? For pounds I may do it.

Q: my final offer. You drop it off for free and then set fire to it in the neighbours front yard and ill give u 5bucks 31-Oct-09
A: Do your neighbours like a bit of fun?

Q: My wife's vibrator stopped working last week. What do you think? She is getting terribly ansi! 31-Oct-09
A: Try a Harley instead!

Q: "H" thsi is now being followed even here in Europe where WE thought we had the headstart on Chinese gear!! Obviously this one slipped through the net?! Well best of luck selling the pile of SH1T!! Are they not the most wonderful piece of engineering you ever came across?? I particularly liked the reference to WELDING!!! I think it was NOT a sparrow but a SH1TEHAWK!!! Good man you deserve better!! Chris LOST in France! 31-Oct-09

A: Thanks Chris. I think these things are a bit like swine flu the way the spread around the world. Even healthy people can get it. But sh1tehawks weren't responsible for the welding, they do a far better job.
Q: There is an up side: if you're unfortunate enough to have one of these and silly enough to work on it, there are plenty of them to be found curbside every week on trash day. But they really are crap, like most things coming from that fine Communist land, where everybody does their very best work to make a dead Mao happy. I'm so proud to have a president who tells us to "look to China for an example".... regards, Mike in the USA 31-Oct-09
A: I really would have thought that the word would have spread after the first one of these were sold. Some people never learn.

Q: Hey there hollywood, you sound like a typical whining arsehole who was too miserable to buy a decent bike for your kid in the first place. Did you actually buy this new, or stiff a mate for 50 bucks? Let's see if you post this with your conveniently dated "buyer questions". 31-Oct-09
A: It's interesting that you mention conveniently dated buyer questions, but what does that actuall mean. Should I be sitting in front of the computer just hoping that someone like you will write so that I can respond immediately. Maybe you should have followed the entire story of this thing before you put your foot in it.

Q: JUST INCASE YOU DIDENT FINE OUT THAT THAT CHINEASE WRITEING SAID HERE IT IS LOL. We are very sorry you are disappointed with your purchase we are proud of the first machine. Your slander of the outbreak, however, is no guarantee. Unless you have 24 hours to withdraw from ads and issued a public apology for the red army was instructed to launch to make your house and neighborhood down to a toxic parking lot of a nuclear attack. You do not compromise, the Chairman Mao. 31-Oct-09
A: Got that one earlier, what a pearler.

A: As I said before, a mate gave it to me after he was given it by a bloke that thought he was doing him a favour. How cruel.

Q: mate can it pop a wheelie? 31-Oct-09
A: It can, I'm just too scared to try.

Q: Hi i just wanted too say we have 1 of these and yes they are shit, my nephew loves to pull things apart so we gave it to him to practise on and i also wanted to say you are so funny you are a facebook hit. loved it 31-Oct-09
A: Thanks. I feel sorry for you, and I hope that your nephes manages to destroy things while he pulls them apart.

Q: HA ha - good effort. Here's a stupid question for you. Does it come in any other colours? 31-Oct-09
A: Yes, it comes in light invisible too.

Q: Mate, I really appreciate that you have set a realistic price on this gem. I am counting up the silver in my piggy bank atm. I have been looking for a backup bike for some stunt work, where I sail over 10 cars and one bus. Whats the acceleration like? How many cars do you think it can handle? 31-Oct-09
A: You could jump that easy on this, but the bike would have to be in the back of a ute to do it.

Q: Is this perhaps the new Transformer? 31-Oct-09
A: Yes, it could transform from this piece of crap into a pencil sharpener.

Q: Hi - do you know if the tyres would fit on my soapbox racer ? If so is there any chance that you'd split the bike up - postage costs to the UK would be more reasonable then. Thanks :) 31-Oct-09
A: I'll see if I can take it to one of those places that can shred anything from concrete to cars. If I can, I'll let it blow over to you in the next strong wind. In fact, I ate a hot vindaloo last night, so the next strong wind isn't far off.

Q: Hi Denzlepob here from Great Britain near England, is there any premix fuel in it and can you send the fuel (not the bike) to me in GB? Fuel over here is sooooo expensive and my strimmer has been dry since the last recession. Love you, Denz. 31-Oct-09
A: If only I knew what a strimmer was. Love you too!

Q: Dear Sir,my wife desires to learn to ride a motorcycle.Would the vehicle suffice?Can you supply bike with full tank of fuel? as I believe if your add is true and correct,Iwould expect said motorcycle to explode and burst into flames.With this in mind i may have to bid as the price you are expecting will be much cheaper than paying for a divorce lawyer 31-Oct-09
A: You are on the right track there. You could even fill it with premium for a better effect.

Q: Is there any instruction manuals that come with it You are not being clear enough. 31-Oct-09
A: Yes, but all it says is: "Be of care for danger if road use candle ginger"

Q: Bike looks great but I am more interested in the permapine post that features in pic 2 (I will take the bike if it is still attached....i have bulldog clips that may interest you! 31-Oct-09
A: Everyone wants the post. I knew I should have airbrushed it out of the picture. I've got people lining up for a length of it.

Q: I'm a budding Evel Knievel and was wondering if it would be suitable for a jump from the Harbour Bridge to the Opera House? :-) 31-Oct-09
A: You could jump it from the harbour bridge, maybe to Dawes Point or Milsons Point, because they are directly below the bridge, it wouldn't make the Opera house without a 500 knot westerly blowing.

Q: Oh yeah, also, will you accept an excellent fried dimsim for it? I tried a tiny bid of it last week and it tasted nice. 31-Oct-09
A: If I hadn't just eaten a bowl of short soup, I may have taken you up on the offer.

Q: Do you have the immigration papers for the bike, and if not whats the chance of it getting deported if I buy it? 31-Oct-09
A: That's a good point. How about we ship it to Christmas island, as a 'xmas' present for the detainees.

Q: Hi I feel your pain , i to rushed out and bought the latest and best gift but i was smart on the 4th broken bone could not give it away But it has a good home - i gave it to my mechanic, he concreted a holden rear spring into the ground and welded the bike to it, its near his letter box and customer kids use it as a ride - he bought me maccas lunch as a straight swap I am sure i riped him off :) BTW here is the translation - use bablefish on yahoo We were sorry that you are disappointed our brilliance to your purchase the first machine. However your slanderous eruption is the non-guarantee. Only if you withdraw the advertisement in 24 hours, and issued that a public apology red army was instructed the launch causes your house and the neighborhood reduces to a toxic parking lot nucleus attack. Your uncompromising, president wool. 31-Oct-09
A: Classic. Did you get up-sized on the meal? If you did it was surely a rip off in your favour. I can't wait to destroy this thing.

Q: Would I be able to make it into something like a rocking horse for my 3 year old daughter 30-Oct-09
A: Yes, for sure, especially if your 3 year old likes being bucked off a rocking horse that catches on fire all the time. Use some plywood instead, it is more reliable than this thing.

Q: Would I need a helmet ? Could a pillion seat or panniers be fitted ? 30-Oct-09
A: You'll be needing a helmet, padded room and a bottle of strong medication if you buy this thing. It really is best without panniers, as they would make it worth something.

Q: ???????????????????????? ??????????????? ????24???????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????,???? 30-Oct-09
A: Let me get this straight: You want one serve spring rolls, honey prawns, special fried rice, chilli crab, chicken feet and a bowl of bean curd soup. Oh, and a coke. No problems.

Q: Hi, I have no need for a mini motorbike but my kettle recently burnt out and I was wondering could I convert your bike to boil water for my pasta? 30-Oct-09
A: No, it it would only be good for toasted sandwiches. I have heard that one bloke used one as a parachute without success.

Q: Dear sir, I would like to win, can you provide riding tutorial for my 5 year old daughter since i have never ridden a motor bike before? 29-Oct-09
A: Certainly. 1. Throw bike on ground. 2. Pour petrol on bike. 3. Set fire to bike. 4. Buy anything but a Chinese bike and start all over again.

Q: Kevin Rudd talks Chinese. Perhapps the crap that came out of his mouth was used to make this bike. 29-Oct-09
A: Is that why there is that sticker on the tank that says; "For working families, working families, working families"

Q: Hi there. Very interested in the bike, i have been looking for a mode of transport for the family for quite some time now. What is your buy it now price ? Can you do it for $850 posted ? Needs to be sent to South Australia (disney dyno land) Cheers 29-Oct-09
A: This thing is only engineered to carry one person, once. It woulndn't be much good for a family unless you just wanted to keep warm around it.

Q: hi mate! would you consider a p/x with me for a paper clip? sorry its not a coloured one,just the cheap ones,with cash coming my way aswell? 29-Oct-09
A: If you were offering me one of those foldback clips that you can use to keep a whole bundle of subpoenas together with, I may have taken you up on it. Maybe I can just give you cash?

Q: Is it by any chance painted with lead paint?? 29-Oct-09
A: Lead would have been too expensive. This thing has been painted with eel dung.

Q: I loved your add. Gave me a great laugh. Honesty is brutal. Well done! Someone will want it. They may already have one and looking for spares? 29-Oct-09
A: Even if you had five of these there still wouldn't be enough spares to make half a good one. This really is rubbish. I feel so sorry for the poor kid that got one of these things for xmas over a trampoline!

Q: Does it come with a Fire Extinguisher? 28-Oct-09
A: No, sorry. I need to keep the fire extinguisher just in case someone gives me another bamboo disaster.

Q: Mate, thanks for that, had a fuggin shit day and you've just made it better! :-) 28-Oct-09
A: Cheers, just don't buy the thing or you'll have many more bad days!

Q: One of your best tiger, I can't see people looking in old sheds in 20 years for these things like an xr75.I would say its safe to let this one go. It's the same as the one I've got. Nasty thing. 26-Oct-09
A: Does yours catch on fire too?

Q: If I bid and win, will you set fire to it for me and post the vid on youtube..? You can keep the ashes. 26-Oct-09
A: Yes, good idea. I'll run over it first with as many vehicles as I can muster, then set fire to it.

The cord is very good on the Silvertone Television. The TV works fine but it needs a new picture tube. SO WHEN YOU PLUG IT UP AND TURN IT ON, IT WILL PLAY BUT YOU CANNOT SEE A PICTURE.

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